Jimmy in Space

So There Jimmy was; the world had ended around him, exploded through complete causes of his own. Now he was just sitting on a piece of rock, 6 square feet, with the biggest geek sitting on the otherside. Jimmy assumed that during the blast they both were blasted to the same bit of land which for some reason, unknown to the two of them, they had both been saved. The geek was a 40 year old man with a side parting that looked like an entire tube of gel had gone into it, he had the biggest black, square glasses which were so thick they made his eyes almost the same size as his head. Jimmy had no idea what was happening, but the geek had already started to scroll equations into the rock as if he was working out a formula to escape. “50 minutes” said the geek, “pardon” replied jimmy, who was actually rather pleased there was someone geekier then him; and was delighted with the fact he was potentially the coolest human alive. “50 minutes till we die, I worked it out.” The geek replied with a smile. “Well thankyou,” answered Jimmy, “I really could’ve done without knowing that; these last 50 minutes are ruined for me now! And why are you smiling?” Jimmy clearly was not pleased with the news; “I want to be smiling when I die,” the geek replied, he was clearly more accepting of his fate. Jimmy looked around him, the space was empty, there were no remains of the earth left floating around them, they were completely alone, and jimmy wondered if they were in heaven. “I have a little test of my own” Jimmy said to the Geek, “Would you mind coming here please” Jimmy was now smiling and rather polite; back to his old self you might say. The geek started to walk over and Jimmy jumped up and pushed the geek off the rock; Jimmy now knew that if he did die in what was now 48 minutes time, then at least he could now die smiling. Jimmy had always wanted to know what it felt like to kill someone, rather good, he thought to himself. Still, questions were floating through Jimmy’s head, ‘Why am I here?’ ‘Where is here?’ ‘Why does God hate me?’ Jimmy would never figure out the answer to any of these questions; however I do know the answer to them all, but fuck it. You see, Jimmy was never a bright man, yet he did know 1 thing, he was 1 of the few men that could lick his own ear; this was the reason why Jimmy had been a surprisingly good satisfier of the ladies in his latter years, sadly he was so socially inept he didn’t often get to show his powers; but he could certainly lick some gash! As Jimmy was pondering how he would get to do such fulfilling act as satisfying a lady a big fuck off ‘black hole’ opened up in the space. However, this black whole didn’t look like the one’s Jimmy had seen in Stargate SG1, which Jimmy watched religiously and in fact owned every DVD. This Black hole was changing colour, one second it was red, then blue and then yellow. Jimmy could see this echoing sound, it was getting louder and Jimmy could start to make sense of it, it was ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA! Jimmy loved to boogie; he had rarely been clubbing but often practised his, what he called, ‘sexy-moves’ in front of a full body mirror while listening to this very song. Jimmy jumped to his feet and as he did a tractor beam shone down on Jimmy. But this was again not like the tractor beams Jimmy had seen in star trek, another show he watched religiously. Rather than pulling Jimmy in this tractor beam made Jimmy want to dance, and so he did, breaking out all his ‘sexy-moves’. Then the tractor beam went and a ship came through the black hole, though this ship was once again not like the ships Jimmy had seen on Andromeda, yet another show Jimmy watched religiously (though this one less so as it was just a bit naff in Jimmy’s opinion; for many reasons all of which are far to dull and geeky for me to be fucked to say). Instead this ship looked much like a disco ball, in the fact it was round and shiny, like a ‘happy death-star’ in jimmy’s opinion. A new tractor beam appears from the ship and ripped Jimmy from the rock and into the ship.

            He was pulled into a small, grey, metallic room with no doors. Then one of the walls opened up and smoke rose up, this was exactly like the sci-fi films Jimmy loved. All Jimmy could see was a smaller disco ball suspended from the ceiling and strobe lights flashing different colours. Then a figure appeared through the smoke and Jimmy could see faint outlines of people dancing in the room the figure was walking from. The figure was dressed in a white suit, with flared trousers and a black shirt with a big collar. He looked like an ugly John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. “Welcome to heaven” the figure said. “Is this a nightclub?” asked Jimmy. “No, this is heaven” replied the figure a little bewildered as he thought he had previously made that clear. Jimmy didn’t believe this at all and joked, “And I suppose you are God are you?” “No God died a few years ago, we had a dance off to see who should take over, I won.” Jimmy started to believe this, I dunno what made him think this story could be true, he wasn’t the brightest of lads; he’d always been 1 sandwich short of a picnic. “So you turned the place into a disco?” asked Jimmy. “No heaven has always been a disco, what happier place could exist? All religions have it wrong, the only way to get into heaven is to be the best dancer in the world when you die,” replied the figure or the ‘Mock-God’ if you will. “And that was me?” Jimmy queried with joy. “No,” replied the ‘Mock-God’ “do not know why you are here, the geeky bloke was the best dancer in the world when it ended, but you can’t let anyone know you shouldn’t be here, I already buggered up and let some idiot blow the world up, you turn your back for 10 seconds and boom its gone; if they find out a dancer as shit as you got into heaven I’ll lose my status as God.”

            Jimmy pondered over this and replied, “I won’t tell a soul,” and with that the figure lead Jimmy into the disco/heaven where Jimmy would live; the general feeling around the other occupants of heaven was that if Jimmy was the best dancer in the world, it deserved to go and they never complained about the explosion or the fact Jimmy couldn’t dance very well ever again.