Jimmy and his career choice

Jimmy’s state of unemployment seemed completely never ending. No matter what he did he simply could not find a job at all! He ended up deciding that self-employment was the only solution. To be fair, Jimmy was never going to find work. He wasn’t qualified for anything. He interviewed like a berk! When asked by the manager at his local Wimpy, “Why is it you want to work in Wimpy?” Jimmy confidently replied, “I don’t, I don’t even like eating in Wimpy…who does? I need the money and I am quite sure any old baboon could do this job.”
“Well, sir, you are one baboon that won’t be!” the Wimpy manager retorted as he rushed off, still unable to get rid of the shocked expression left on his face from Jimmy’s unfathomably honest answer.

Jimmy’s problem was that he had always believed the cliché honesty is the best policy. When in actual fact it usually isn’t. It is rarely the best policy, especially in a job interview situation. This essentially meant that Jimmy was buggered! He had no qualifications, which meant he only had a chance at gaining employment in ‘mcjobs’ and his honest and frank mindset meant that he could never blag those interviews. 

So Jimmy decided he would try and create his own business. He just needed a skill. He tried being a handyman, but was in no way handy…and not that much of a man. He tried being a cleaner…except he was certainly not clean, more...scraggy. Nobody wants a scraggy house. He tried to be a mechanic. This actually panned out. However, it did only pan out due to his misinterpretation of the word mechanic. He got the title completely confused and thought that mechanic actually meant dancing like a mechanized robot. Jimmy thought this meant he would in fact have to act like he was mechanic. This he could do very well. 

This led to him becoming entertainment at parties. He would do anything you wanted…as long as it centered around dancing like a robot. He would jump out of cakes…and dance like a robot. He would strip…whilst dancing like a robot. He would even…just dance…like a robot…but on stage. He was hired for hundreds of parties. Seriously, it was proper entertaining. He came to my party! I had him jump out of a cake…took them ages to cover him in sponge and icing. 

Jimmy had found his calling; he started to expand his company. Not only would he dance like a robot…now he would also disco dance (his true passion). Jimmy’s a man with moves! And very little shame. It was not long before he was on the Internet becoming a sensation. He won applause from all the big celebrities. He was even asked to robot at Mel Gibson’s birthday bash. He of course rudely rejected due to his moral reasoning…he hated Mel. Besides he was far bigger than Mel Gibson’s party at this point. He even did the robot at the Oscars. This is where he met Scarlett Johansson. She didn’t shag him…god no…Jimmy was far too bland looking for her. She did however ask him to be in her next movie. He was the central character. It was a non-speaking part. Scarlett did all the talking…he just moonwalked on and off screen and then robotted in the middle. It was a huge hit. People loved it. Jimmy thought he was a genius, he thought he had created the best piece of art ever. And to be fair, it was better then Braveheart. That won Oscars, why couldn’t ‘The Robot and I’. A modern adaptation of The King and I. Sadly the sequel…'Beauty and the Robot’…wasn’t as well received. It was a pure studio movie. Jimmy didn’t want to make a sequel without Scarlett…who had calendar issues (her bedroom calendar fell on her and the corner temporarily blinded her, she couldn’t star alongside Jimmy whilst wearing a patch could she, people would think it was a pirate film). But he got paid a fortune, enough to live comfortably for the rest of his life. He agreed on the basis that they promised him they would get a good replacement. They did not…the public just could not believe Sarah Jessica Parker playing the part of a beauty. During the sex scene, which is obligatory for all badly made sequels, the audience generally thought that Jimmy was doing the robot on top of a horse. Of course this was a huge critical and commercial flop. 

Jimmy’s entertainment career was over. He started off by dropping down to TV. He had his own sitcom pilot, simply named Jimmy. He stood a chance but bad casting struck him again. Andie MacDowell played Jimmy’s love interest and Kramer off Seinfeld played his best mate. Sadly the pilot aired after Kramer’s racist rant and therefore pretty much everyone hated him…and Andie MacDowell…is just hated. So it was another flop for Jimmy. He went back to being entertainment at parties. It was a success for a while but Jimmy just didn’t see the glamour in it. He started spending his fortune on lots of food and smack. This balanced out nicely, so he kept his figure. But he had huge cholesterol and horrible teeth. He soon suffered a heart attack on stage whilst roboting out of a cake and due to his bad teeth nobody wanted to give him mouth to mouth. He nearly died. That was the day Jimmy changed his life. No more smack. No more spending all his money on food. He would simply by a small house and live out the rest of his days comfortably doing bugger all…living off his once movie star fortune. 

Sadly, this could not be the case; Jimmy would never be comfortable…he could never find underwear that fit his oddly chicken-esque legs.